


Once Upon A Time At The Gateway To Purgatory

by mrscastielftw



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-31
Updated: 2011-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-19 23:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrscastielftw/pseuds/mrscastielftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Indignant!Dean is indignant and I fix 06x22 with schmoopy crack!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon A Time At The Gateway To Purgatory

**Author's Note:**

> Genre: Crack  
> Spoilers: Season 6  
> Warnings: (No Serious Warnings) Just my writing and the universe inside my head!  
> Word Count: 1,617  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just borrowed it and I will return it when I am finished – unfortunately. All recognizable characters and material belong to their respective creators.

Dean could do nothing, but stare as Cas pulled the angel sword from his back. How could this thing be Cas? There was no trace of his friend, the angel who gave up everything for him, left in those empty eyes.

Cas moved so he could see the three hunters, “I’m glad you made it Sam. But the angel blade won’t work, because I’m not an angel anymore. I’m your new god. A better one. So, you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your lord. Or I shall destroy you.”

Dean watched helplessly as Cas’ body trembled with power. He surged forward into Cas’ personal space, putting himself between the newly upgraded angel and the others. “Just let them go and take my soul or whatever the hell you’re after now. Sam and Bobby walk out of here. Cas, when you needed help I wasn’t there for you, but I am here now and I’m not leaving.”

Cas tilted his head, “Dean…” He began to glow brighter and brighter. Energy pulsated around the room. “I asked you to profess your love for me.”

Dean faltered and his words came out like a question, “I – I love you?”

Cas stepped closer to Dean, narrowing his gaze, “I think you should say it again and, this time, I want you to mean it.”

Dean closed his eyes and desperately tried to force his heart rate back to normal, “Cas, when I told you that you were like a brother to me, I lied.”

“Dean.” Sam hissed.

Dean raised his hand to silence his brother, “I’ve just been so angry at you. I lost Sam in that cemetery and I was so sure that I was never going to get him back. I needed you and you flew off. Over a year and not a damn word, then when I did see you again, nothing was the same. You had the whole war in Heaven to contend with and you were an angel again. I hated it. I felt like, maybe, you really were too good for me. So, naturally, I called you down anytime I could think of an excuse and I yelled at you, because, for some reason, I just felt like if I sent you away, then it wasn’t the same as you leaving me. If you thought I didn’t want you, then I wouldn’t have to dwell on the fact that I’m not good enough for you and I never will be.”

Cas’ expression softened, “Dean, you don’t…”

“No, you want me to say it and I’m going to say it.” Dean took a deep breath and balled his hands into fists at his sides in an effort to stop them from shaking, “Cas, I’m pretty sure that I fell in love with you outside the Toreador motel, when you told me how I could use the archangel tethered to Chuck in order to save Sam from Lilith. I have loved you every single day since then and I always will. So, you and me, we can fix this, but you need to let them go. Cas, I…”

“CUT!” Dean turns to see a beret clad Gabriel screaming for everyone to stop, Sam holding a camera, and Bobby having his makeup retouched. Seriously, what the hell? Cas suddenly won’t make eye contact with him.

Gabriel marches over to Dean and pulls him to the side, “Okay, before you start accusing me of anything I didn’t do, let me explain. First, Lucifer really did kill me. I had a few months of _American Beauty_ style soaring over the city while doing a voiceover about the wondrousness of life, then Dad brought me back. Suddenly, I’m sitting in His office and everything hits me at once. All these sensations. Everything’s too bright and too loud. Finally, Dad tells me that He brought me back, because He has work for me.”

“Get to the point, Gabriel.” Dean spat out.

“You see, Dad said people just weren’t reading books as much and He wanted to reach a wider audience. The next move was naturally a television show. Apparently, this was the first ‘live action’ season. They did the others with finger puppets and a little angel magic. So, he got a bunch of seraphim to help him in the beginning and it was a disaster. I mean, they had you in Mom Jeans. Needless to say, the ratings took a nosedive and that is when He pulled me in. Unfortunately, we have been trying to tie up all the plot holes and random lapses left by the other writers. Hello, anybody remember Adam.”

Dean tried to wrap his head around everything, “So, my life is now a TV show, that I star in and you write.”

Gabriel decided that Dean really meant that as a compliment. “Deano, I can’t take all the credit. I do most of the writing, but Crowley and Bobby team up for the occasional episode. Sam has been directing. Don’t get me wrong, I love all his work, but since he got his soul back, it’s lost some of the edge and grittiness. Still really compelling drama and all, but the second half of the season has definitely been the softer side of Supernatural. I don’t want to get your hopes up or anything, but there has been talk that Dad may direct the season seven finale. Just saying it gives me chills.”

Dean wanted to hit something. He really wanted to hit something, “Everybody knows and they’re all okay with this.”

“Well, yes.”

“But nobody thought to tell me.” Dean looked indignantly over at all his co-stars, who were currently rehearsing a scene.

“Cas wanted to, but in order to keep everything fresh and exciting, we thought it would be best if you didn’t know. Dad loves reality TV and true emotions just can’t be faked. We used a bit of mojo to hide all the behind the scenes stuff and presto.” Gabriel checked his watch, “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to throw at you, but we really need to get this scene perfect.” Gabriel pulled out a script and began thumbing through it, until he found the current scene and handed it to Dean.

“I just told Cas that I love him.” Dean felt like his knees were going to give out.

Gabriel smirked, “That you did and it was all you. According to the scripts, you aren’t supposed to declare your feelings to Cas until 07x04 _Four Weddings And Three Funerals_. I actually wrote that one and I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I think it’s my best. You see, the last three newlywed couples that stayed in the Honeymoon Suite of the Great Oaks Resort were found dead the next morning. Sam and Cas are all set to tie the knot for the sake of the case and to save all those poor lovesick saps, who don’t want to die on their honeymoon or whatever. Last minute, you pull Sam out of the way, stare tenderly into Cas’ eyes and tell him that if he’s going to be spending his honeymoon with a Winchester, then it had damn well better be you. It’s a lovely ceremony and Sam cries, of course. Once you make it to the hotel, you two are having a moment, the evil beastie appears, and you gank it, but it’s close. The camera zooms in on the two of you, Cas tells you that he loves you, and you in true Dean fashion can’t say the words back, but you give him on hell of a kiss. That kiss says everything that you can’t put into words. Everybody loves the ending. It’s going to get me an Emmy. Or at least it was before you decided to go off script.”

Dean can only hope that one of the scripts involves him having the power to smite Gabriel. “Oh, my apologies. I’m so sorry that my real life doesn’t fit into your perfectly scripted version of it.”

“Dean, I’m touched that you care.” Gabriel turns to everyone, “Places. We are going to try this again.” They reset the scene.

Cas moved so he could see the three hunters, “I’m glad you made it Sam. But the angel blade won’t work, because I’m not an angel anymore. I’m your new god. A better one. So, you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your lord. Or I shall destroy you.”

Dean watched angrily at this mockery of his life. He surged forward into Cas’ personal space, putting himself between the newly upgraded angel and their co-stars. “No.”

Cas tilted his head, “Dean…” He began to glow brighter and brighter. Energy pulsated around the room. “I asked you to profess your love for me.”

Dean glared, “Is that what you want? You want me to bat my eyes at you and blush while I say those three magic words?”

Cas stepped closer to Dean, narrowing his gaze, “I think you should say it and I want you to mean it.”

Dean laughed, “Apparently, I can’t do that, but I can do this.” Dean grabbed Cas by the back of the neck and gave him on hell of a kiss. The kiss said everything that he couldn’t put into words.

“Dean.” Sam hissed.

Dean turned, flipped Gabriel off and he yelled, “Script this!” He grabbed Cas by the sleeve and pulled him out to the Impala. They drove off into the sunset and as the credits rolled.

Back in the warehouse, Gabriel turned to Sam, “When exactly do you think we should explain to Dean that this was a meta episode?”


End file.
